financial meltdown

So my big plans for getting ahead financially has somehow morphed into just staying afloat. Honestly, I'm not sure how it happened. I probably need to audit myself or something, but it's just too damn depressing and at this point I prefer to stay in a state of denial. Maybe it was the wedding, trip out of town and car issues. Throw that on top of our quarterly car insurance payment, rising electric bills and recent surge in eating out and we are back in the poor house. Hell, even my stock is going down.

The upside is that we've been here before. We are, in fact, pros at being broke. And at least this time the bills are getting paid and there is food in the fridge. The downside is we have an upcoming trip to Portland in September, and by my calculations, that is the month we will start running back in the black. I'm tempted to cancel our trip just so we can have one month of financial peace of mind, but damnit, that's our trip. We have free plane tickets for fucks sake! So our trip down the coast may turn into a walking tour of the city. But whatever, at least it's a new city.

I truly hate this feeling. This feeling that I want to start cashing out savings, stocks, 401k's - just to have some money in the bank. I know it isn't actually as bad as it feels, but then why does it feel so bad? Seriously, at this point "happy endings" doesn't sound like such a bad career choice...