the childless vacuum

I always joke that I'll get rid of Izzy at the first suggestion. Want to practice having a child? Take her! Want to pick up chicks? Take her! Need entertainment for your next party? Take her! Usually someone chimes in and says "awww, you know you would miss her". And I always say "please, give me the chance!"

Mom took Izzy for the weekend because she was dead-set on her seeing fireworks this 4th of July. We are lazy, it's hot as hell and Austin traffic with a toddler is not our idea of a good time, so she felt we could not be trusted with her granddaughter's Independence Day festivities. Once Mom found out that Barbers Hill (a neighboring upscale community) was having a fair on July 4th, complete with pony rides, moonwalks and enough junk food to make up for 2 years of a healthy diet, she was packing their bags. When she mentioned it to Izzy, Iz walked to the car and tried to move her carseat from our car to hers. Suffice to say, she was on board. In fact, it's all Izzy's been saying for 24 hours ("Izzy go bye-bye with Grandma" over and over and over).

I was so excited I could hardly stand it. I could clean house and keep it that way. I could sleep all day and stay up all night. I could sleep naked*. The possibilities of a child-less weekend were unlimited!!

And then they left. Izzy was sitting in her carseat ready to go before we even got the car loaded. She waved and blew me kisses as they were pulling out of the driveway. I lowered the garage door, walked inside and sat down. It was eerily quiet. As if a vacuum had sucked the life out of the house. Chris had mentioned the last couple of times Izzy and I have gone out of town how quiet the house gets. Every time he said it I felt a little bit of resentment stirring. As it turns out, he's right. The house gets very, very quiet. And honestly, it's unsettling.

No doubt I'll get over it in the next couple of hours. No question I'll enjoy my quiet, clean house tonight while running around naked. But the truth is, I'm really going to miss her. A quiet house just isn't the same once you have children. Sure, you enjoy it. But there is a lack of life that you just don't experience before you have kids (although, those with pets would probably understand as well). And it's a reminder that I wouldn't go back to the way it was before her. Despite what I say or my deprecating remarks, my life is so much better with her than without. And I will definitely think twice before trying to give her away to the first bidder...

* While this most definitely falls into the "too much information" category, I really grew to love sleeping naked BC (before child). Once we had Iz, I realized how much I hated getting "wrapped up" in clothes while sleeping. Yet for the first year sleeping naked was just unreasonable. You're up at all hours and getting dressed and undressed was just a pain in the ass. Once she started sleeping through the night, I then worried about the time factor in case of emergencies. Would I have time to get dressed, THEN get my child in case of a fire or zombie attack? My answer was no. And I didn't want to face those situations in the buff. Now that she's older, it's just creepy. While Chris and I have been known to 'hippy-it-out' in certain parenting situations, being naked around our child just isn't one of them. I wish I were "cooler" about this, but I still remember seeing my dad and stepmom naked in bed and how uncomfortable it made me feel as a kid. So naked time has become one of the many treasures of a childless evening...