bad luck can only last so long

Chris and I decided to postpone our trip to Portland tonight. It's just another addition to our craptastic week. On the plus side, we won't have to stress trying to take a vacation right before Izzy's birthday (which is the event-of-the-year for us).

I am just determined to get our money straight this year, despite additional car problems, extra mouths to feed and unnecessary traveling. And living paycheck-to-paycheck is not the best time for vacations. As I told Chris, "How can I enjoy a vacation while I'm beating myself up about the money spent?" I thought I could do it. I've joked that we may have no money when we get there, but damnit we were going. And we're still going to go. We have until January 23rd of next year to use the tickets. And we HAVE to go. I need to do this. For me and for us. We've put so much energy this year into other people (one of the many reasons we are broke as hell), that we need to do this for ourselves.

Unfortunately, it's going to mean saying "no" to other people. And while I thought I was very good at that, it turns out I actually suck at it. I don't want to let people down. I want to be there for them. I want to help others. Even if it drains me to the point of financial and emotional depression. And like they say on airplanes, you must first put the oxygen mask on yourself before you can help others. So from this point forward, we are going into lockdown. We are going to straighten out our finances once and for all, and then reward ourselves with a weeklong wintry trip somewhere (Portland may not be the best place to visit in the wintertime). But as God is my witness, we are leaving Texas within the next 6 months.