Because I'm over the fear.

In 30 days this blog will self-destruct. Please follow me here for a new and improved place to hang.

A perfect summary of 2010 so far:

Kolby
we should of got a pic of your kid running through the house with a flaming marshmellow

Taunya
if only
but we don't need physical evidence of that sort of thing.

Kolby
ritghhhht
nancy grace

Taunya
yep

closure

I'm working through end-of-year closure one email at a time. Here's wishing the new year will really start anew...

Dear Izzy

This is mine and Chris' new "project": http://dearizzy.blogspot.com/

Hopefully I do better online than I've done with her journals. And if you have any additional ideas please share! In addition, if you'd like to write her a letter yourself, let us know and we'll send you the logon info. (because there is no such thing as too many letters!)

Here's to raising our parenting "stock".

for the record

Despite the current page of my blog (geez I've been depressing lately), things are good. I am happy. Positivity is slowly finding it's way back into the Dawson home. I've smudged, lit candles and spread more salt than one can imagine. The bubble is getting stronger.

We're taking Izzy to Grandma's for a week. Heading out for a relaxing camping trip and then coming home to an empty and clean house. I'm a superstitious girl (so I hope I'm not jinxing things here), but I hope to end this year on a positive note in order to bring in a positive new year. We're

Dear Ovaries, why do you do this to me?

I once worked with a girl who claimed PMS was "an excuse" created by women to excuse their bitchiness. I should have said it then, but instead I'm going to say it now: "Screw you Erin." I'm not a gynecologist, but I'm telling you, there is something to this PMS.

I consider myself a fairly self-aware 30-something and I'm positive that I did not just use the "PMS excuse" to spend $130 on groceries consisting of 2 pints of ice cream, a Betty Crocker "Decadent Carrot Cake", hair color and Half & Half. I NEVER buy any of those things. In fact, now that I think about it, I only buy hair color when I'm on my period. I'm going to say it has something to do with my self-loathing during that time. But I swear at the time I was absolutely convinced that ALL of those things were essential to my happiness. It wasn't until I got home and unloaded groceries that I thought "WTF?"

The only reason I went to the store in the first place was because I was tired of yelling at my husband. Something else I NEVER do unless I'm on my period. No excuses there, just cold hard facts. And it should be noted that he is better at predicting my cycle than I am at this point. Because I buy dumbass shit from the grocery store and yell a lot. So once again, screw you Erin. I hope you are enjoying your well-balanced personality, free of the PMS rollercoaster.

2010 To-Do List (ongoing)

I've decided to start a list of all the things I'd like to do/change next year. As most who have been following along knows, this has been my year of self-sacrifice, and honestly, this year has pretty much sucked as a whole. But to look at things optimistically and on a positive note (because Jessica insists I must do this) - this year has enabled me to really call next year as mine. Guilt free. And I'm really starting to look forward to the possibilities. So here is my 2010 list:

* Travel!! - I have trips planned to California, Portland and possibly Sedona. And if we manage to make it through the summer without completely breaking the bank (unheard of before now) - I totally plan on rewarding us with a trip to Scotland.

* "Me" time - I'm looking forward to finding some things next year for just me (as opposed to family). I'm considering a quilting class (Erin's t-shirt quilt has inspired me!), a fitness class of some kind (yoga, pilates or kickboxing), and learning to sew/knit.

* Get Crafty - In relation to the above post, I'd like to reverse my input/output next year. This year I have taken a lot in and most of what I have put out was to benefit others. In 2010, I'd like to create more. In a perfect world I'd always be working on a project. Knitting, sewing and jewelry making are on the tops of that list. I'd also like to make a stained glass mirror, some yard art and create more stuff to hang on the walls. Big goals, but it can be done if I'd just close this damned laptop.

* Get off the phone - I'm on the phone 90% more than I'd like to be. Next year I'm moving towards texts and emails as Emily assures me it should only take a year to "reset" the phone call abusers. This provides many benefits. A.) I'll be able to think before I speak; B.) My energy won't be sapped by people who like to call and say nothing; and C.) I'll have more time to work on my many projects.

* Change up social dynamics - Some of my friendships have been really "trying" this year. After several discussions and psycho-analytical sessions with my husband, I realized I've been putting wayyyy too much energy into our friendships and social circle. I'd like to bring the focus back to our family and put less energy into my friendships. The ones who love me will respect it, the ones that don't will move on. And finally, I'm okay with that.

* Get in shape - This is a repeat of above, but it needs to be mentioned again. I've been talking about it for 3 years, but I need to make it a top priority. I've been feeling tired, lazy and embarrassed by how out of shape I am. I really miss the days when I felt good about myself. It's time to finally do something about it.

* Make changes for Izzy - Bless her heart, she has no friends. I need to put her in some kind of pre-school and start her in some classes of her own. This will do a lot for her and ease some of the Mama guilt I've got going on.